RETHINKING ANGER
No one chooses anger. And the debate on whether humans can choose to be happy all the time is flaming. But practically, all round happiness is a terrible thing.
On the off chance that you get stepped on, or a drink got spilled on your notes or maybe a co-worker failed to do his/her apportioned tasks despite reminders; it’s sane to agree happiness is not the right emotion to be displayed. Thus, which emotion do we display? Anger.
ANGER, is a strong feeling of displeasure or hostility with an urge to hurt or destroy, usually in response to an unpleasant event. Anger and it ilks, fear, sadness, are emotions commonly termed negative. However, these emotions convey to us that something is wrong and decisions need to be taken, fast. They aren’t inherently negative or deleterious; the projected negativity comes from how we think and process them.
In circumstances above and comparable ones, anger is the result of our dismay, a way to communicate to individual(s) involved and ourselves that a fix is needed. So it’s okay to be angry. People and events don’t and won’t always play to our tune, therefore, the need to express our displeasure is pertinent. When government policy brings discomfort, we don’t fold hands but show our disapproval by protest or appeals. Anger mediates such.
You don’t want to be happy if the management cuts your salary or folks cut your allowances.
Anger promotes tolerance: Humans as social animals differ in personalities, religions, cultures, moral theories, often with no clear cut borderline. Avoiding acts that could elicit anger in a person from the other side of the world encourages tolerance. This is effective if we express disapproval on first occurrence, or when others know we will. A boss that shows no displeasure to workers’ lackadaisical attitudes will be taken for granted. Side talks like, ‘ he won’t do anything’ would be spread about him.
Anger shows care: We get angry for what we care about. Let’s say, someone spilled a drink on your bed or called your parents names, we get visibly angry because we care. When we stop caring, we stop getting angry.
So, it’s okay to get angry, unhealthy to suppress and injurious to “vent” it out.
ANGER MANAGEMENT
This deals with manner of communicating displeasure. One can impart emotions without being loudly or physically damaging. Regardless of whether another is pushing your buttons or overtly condescending, one generally has the mantle regarding reactive decisions. We don’t want to be in situations where we have to fake a smile and mask our displeasure when threatened by unpleasant actions.
So how do we process anger to have a positive result?
- Don’t Act Now: Anger spurs an immediate action which inadvertently ruins and worsens situations. A boss trying to express his anger at a junior worker’s nonchalance might kick the PC, scatter the pile of files, or worse physically hit the culprit, further complicating the situation. Acting this way, he might get injured and lose the moral edge to complain on the real issue.
- Think: when annoyed and pissed, take 3–5 seconds to think. Think about the best and less harmful way to express it. Different situations and environments requires different reactions. A heated argument with a spouse might be calmed by making the decision to take a walk or playing a musical instrument in the basement.
- Think Again: Think about a rationale for the inciting actions. For example, to a perpetual late employee, the employer will display this by ensuring from him/her, “ Mr John, you’ve been repeatedly late throughout the week. Are you disinterested with your role here or what has come up?” while maintaining a straight face. Or, to someone who stepped on your toes, perhaps it is an accident. This tells the offender that you’re not pleased with his actions, however, you’re offering him the opportunity to clear the air.
To cap — anger is not a negative emotion, it has its uses. And anger management is a set of steps to maximise its benefits.
I look forward to your comments and contributions.
